My mum would have been 91 this Friday. It’s not wishful thinking. It’s not a lament. It’s just … I miss her.

I’m so grateful to have had my mum for as long as I did. 90 years and 8 months is pretty good innings, by any measure. I can’t ask for more, and honestly, I’m not. Not that I’ve a say in how long anyone lives or dies. It is what it is. That said, I knew my mum’s life was already too difficult. Ailments, breathing, and mobility were issues. Brother number 1’s passing last December hit her hard. Since February, there was a consistent, gradual decline in her overall health. I recognised it. I know she has passed. I just can’t get my head around the fact that she’s no longer here. I can’t talk to her. I can’t see her. I miss her.

I know, if she was alive, I’d be excited like I’ve always been when her birthday comes around each year. I’m big on birthdays. I’ve said this before and I’m going to say it again. Its special because it’s your birthday, a date that’s specific to you. Yes. Yes. There are, of course, other people born on the same date and year. So what? It still doesn’t take anything away from it being your birthday. You own it. Birthdays are to be celebrated. Otherwise, it’ll just be another blah, blah day.

Anyways, my mum has had many happy birthdays in her lifetime, particularly the milestone ones. I say that with such conviction. Oops, I hope it was happy for her. With my mum, it was hard to tell/decipher if she had a good/nice time. She wasn’t verbally expressive. While she wasn’t bothered about going out, decorations and presents she appreciated the fuss and attention, and always thanked me/us. She was also not readily tactile. This, despite the many years of me giving her hugs, slobbering her with kisses and being loud and vocal about loving her. She maintained that she was a slow learner, and her mum/family, that generation, was not demonstrative.

Back to her birthdays.

My mum’s 90^th was special on many levels. Reaching 90 demanded a song and a dance, and then some. It was a big deal birthday. No one on my mum’s or dad’s side of the family accomplished it. My mum was the first nonagenarian. My husband and I hung up a huge 90^th birthday banner on the wall facing her blue sofa, days before the big day, to get her in the mood and enjoy the atmosphere. I know my mum doesn’t say much but she did say she liked the banner and didn’t want me to bring it down even long after her birthday.

Twinkle lights and buntings adorned all her other walls in the condo. And, my husband and I filled up 90+ helium balloons that floated up to the ceiling ready for her when she awoke from her morning sleep/nap. Brothers 1 and 2 and families, together with my mum’s youngest sister and son, and Kalyani were present to greet her. The day was glorious with the birthday girl feted, and surrounded by happy people, presents, cards, fruit baskets, flowers, food, desserts, and cakes, not one but three. Nice.

Her 80^th was grand. She was living with my husband and me at the time. She had a wonderful celebration at Annalakshmi with her children, sons and daughters-in-law, grandchildren, and grand daughter and son-in-law in full attendance. Sister number 4 did a figure of 80 in lit-candles on the floor of our condo. I gave her 80 presents for 80 days. And, there was one unreplaceable keepsake. A photo taken of my mum and her seven children, gathered around her in the kitchen, the night before her birthday. Nice.

Similarly outstanding was my mum’s 70^th. There was an element of surprise as she didn’t know who was arriving/attending until the last moment. The party was held at Sri Melaka with her children, sons and daughters-in-law, and grandchildren. We were all 20 years younger. Her cake was that of a baby in a bath surrounded by her favourite things like washing-up liquids, soaps, jewellery, milk, and prunes. Funnily, sister number 2, brother-in-law and nephew number 2 carted seven washing-up liquid bottles for the occassion. From Sydney, no less! Nice.

Her 60^th was celebrated in England with sisters’ number 1 and 3, and families. The design on her cake was that of a sari-clad woman. My mum was most impressed. Nice.

And, her 50^th was at our Taman Golf house in Alor Setar. My dad got her a cake. The first time that he did, according to my mum. There were birthday cards with monies from all her children. Nice.

Thinking… Happy 91^st Birthday Botyma.