It’s the new year. Good health. Much love and happiness. Many successes. Glad tidings, and all that.

The new year comes around like clockwork, and yet it kind of springs up on us. Even after a long 365 days – 52 weeks, 12 months. Fireworks. Parties. Blaring horns. Midnight traffic jams. The new year has been celebrated and ushered in. Yes. Back from holiday. Back to work and school. Back to normal. Routine. Same-same. A carry forward from 2024.

So soon. So quickly. Its already January 6, 2025. So some people say. Me, not so much. Last year was draggy and mostly sad. I was, and still am, thinking and missing my mum. Which is alright. Well, it has to be, as it is what it is. Just like the rather apt description of grief that was on a Netflix Christmas movie, ‘Grief has no expiration date.’ So true.

Anyways, in the new year I plan and hope to gradually move on. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. Move on? From what? I’m not moving on or away from my mum. She is steadfastly with me. I will think, feel, and miss her as much as I wish and want. I think, move on, from being tearful. From feeling waves of sadness. From the sense of desperation of forever not being able to see, be with and speak/share with her anything and everything that’s happening. Sigh. Tall order. But, that’s my plan and hope. I know my mum would not want me to be sad or silly. Truth be told, I’m not always sad or silly. I know she’d want me to be happy, healthy and do the things I couldn’t/didn’t do before because of time constraints and responsibilities.

I also know that time and tide wait for no man or woman. A realisation that was always present but hit home more recently. Particularly, after my mum and brother number 1’s passing. There are certainly more recurring conversations about ailments, growing older and caring/care amongst family and friends, who are generally in the elderly cohort. There is also an increasing awareness and presence of an older community of people, of whom I am one. Malaysia is projected to become an ageing nation by 2030. In five years, 15% of the population will be over 60 years and above. Hmm.

And, of course, my own age-related vulnerabilities. A recent medical screening showed further degeneration of my joint tissues, and loss of bone mass density. I have arthritis and osteoporosis. My joints and bones hurt, they always have in varying intensities, and I have a greater risk of falling and breaking bone/s. I was told I have fat deposits in my eye, which might be AMD or age-related macular disease. Plus, there is hearing loss in my left ear which is also age-related. Hmm.

Admittedly, my less than stellar test result made me reflect on my physiological state of affairs and that saying about time and tide. While I was mostly morose, not by choice, more than seven months have gone since May 19. While I didn’t sit in a corner and let the world pass me by, I was generally a bundle of negative see-sawing emotions. I was present and wasn’t, if that makes sense. I didn’t know how to stop/minimise the feelings but I do know I don’t want to continue ‘that’ way or at most, feel less ‘that’ way, if that’s possible.

So how? Honestly, I don’t know. But I’m doing some pivoting, shifting focus. The medical screening was a heads-up of what I could do to help myself slow/stop things from getting worse. Gratefully, I exercise regularly. So, I’m alright on that score. It’s my diet, OMG, that needs improving. Healthy eating. Yes, more protein, calcium, and vitamin-rich foods, and supplements that I’m already taking. To build muscles, grow bones – the organic way. No medicines, not yet.

For me, healthy eating is all consuming, literally. I have no concept of proper meals. I eat chocolate, cake, ice-cream, and chocolate biscuits anytime of the day or night. I love desserts. Quick to unwrap. Yummy to eat. Easy on my stomach. This food group of dairy, cream and chocolate agrees with my digestive process/system. I can feel my mum smiling at me😊.

On the other hand, three wholesome nutrient-dense meals, every day, is a challenge. Working out what to have, with what, how much, is all a bit much. I kid you not, my IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) pretty much acts up every time I eat anything other than desserts. Despite that, I’m pushing on. My meals comprise cans of tuna, sardines, and mackerel. Eggs, tofu, chickpeas and bakes beans too. Cooking is limited to heating up whatever in the microwave.

Early days, yes, but I think/hope the pivoting and moving on will work for me.