Disillusioned yet happy and hopeful
I met up with two of my university mates recently. It was my first social meet up since my mum passed. I have consciously avoided speaking, seeing, or spending time with anyone outside my family. The last gathering that involved family members was about nine weeks ago just before sister number 3 left for England. […]
Read More
I’m thinking. I’m questioning. I am consumed with thoughts, and questions. My headspace is full. I can’t sleep or stay asleep for too long. I have stare-into-space-moments. But I still get on and do most of the chores that need doing. I’m alright. I’m more alright than not, which is good. In fact, my husband […]
Read More
Last week my husband and I went on a road trip, of sorts. We didn’t spend too much time planning it. Our destination was the Belum Rainforest in Gerik, Perak. We wanted a stopover. Somewhere half way between Kuala Lumpur and Gerik. Ipoh, the capital of Perak, was the obvious choice as it was close […]
Read More
I received a WhatsApp message about celebrating life. About appreciating and enjoying the moments and times spent with family, friends and loved ones. It was a nice message, and one that I agree with. But did I? Do we? Make time, enough time to communicate. Be physically and mentally present. Care and love. Create and […]
Read More
The plan was to post this story on 20th May. It didn’t happen. I trashed it. Last week, I retrieved it from the ‘bin.’ Mongolia was the holiday my husband and I were looking forward to since March this year. We researched and identified tour companies, flights, and hotels. We finalised our bookings when sister […]
Read More
I wasn’t sure when my husband first asked me if writing about my mum helped/helps me. I am a little surer now. It does. I’m constantly thinking and remembering things about my mum. Putting my all-consuming thoughts, feelings and memories in writing gives them structure and a home/blog that I can visit and revisit, when […]
Read More
My husband asked me if it helps me writing about my mum. Yes and no. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s been over five weeks since she left. Yes, that long already. It feels a lot longer to me. I’m ok and I’m not. I’m in a state of flux. I go about doing the daily stuff. […]
Read More
My heart continues to hurt. I miss my mum. I can’t see her. I can’t speak or share with her the things that are going on in my life. Not in person. I knew/know she couldn’t have held on much longer. She was getting more breathless and weaker by the day. It was a struggle. […]
Read More
I asked my mum to wait for me. I touched her feet, something I rarely do, and said goodbye. I stepped out of the front door, and waved at her. She smiled, waved, and looked directly at me. She doesn’t do that when her Tamil serials are on. Her focus is usually the telly, and […]
Read More
I count steps now. Before, I just used to walk. I like walking. More than running or cycling. One foot in front of the other, without too much thought. Now, I’m a little more deliberate. I try to hit or surpass 10,100 steps. A target set by my Samsung mobile health app. Why 10, 100? I have […]
Read More
You must be logged in to post a comment.