I make resolutions every year.  I actually like making them. Following them is another story. I usually manage to practise a bit of some but certainly not all. In short, the pattern is the same every year. And yet, I persevere.

This year, I have one resolution. Just being in the moment. A Carpe Diem of sorts. I am guilty of not enjoying the now, the present. Not always, but sometimes. I aim to change that. Last week, my husband and I were having dinner and ‘not being in the now’ stared me in the face.

A mother and daughter were having dinner together but no conversation passed between them.  Daughter ate spaghetti whilst she browsed her mobile phone. Mother also had spaghetti as she checked for messages and busily texted. At another table, a couple shared a cake but not much else. Both had their noses in their mobiles. They finally spoke when the bill arrived. And, walked out still engrossed in their respective hand phones. Not new. Not unusual.

Thankfully, I don’t do that during meals or when my husband and I are out together. Unless it’s family, work, and urgent. Our mobiles are not in view. But, I have done and do other things that have given me many pauses for thought about what really matters to me. I suspect that this realisation is more of an age thing. As I get older, I am a little more introspective. I think. I ruminate. I try to make sense. I tell myself that once a moment or occasion, especially the specials ones have past, they are gone. No re-living them. This is not a revelation by any means, not a light bulb moment. But, I still forget to appreciate them.

Being in the moment, to me, means giving my full or at least near-full attention when I am with people whom I care for. Being interested at family or social gatherings or while on holidays. I have no problem focusing on a job or task at hand. My mind wanders, yes, but I am able to reign it in. Not so when it’s other stuff.  I tend to be physically present but a little mentally and/or emotionally absent or vacant at times. Not wholly listening. Switching off. Thinking of one thing or many other things in parallel.

Not so long ago, I organised my next holiday when I was still in the middle of one. It wasn’t because I wasn’t having a good time, I was. I just didn’t treasure enough the then ‘now’ before moving on to the future. In 2012, when my husband and I took a year off to travel, I lost out on some actual irretrievable moments and memories. I got caught up in the excitement and planning of the next destination and the destination after that. 

I also do many things concurrently. Watching TV or a movie is no longer a singular action for me. I have my mobile and iPad with me. I check my emails. I text. I browse my mobile. If that’s not enough, I browse my iPad at the same time. I read Google news while I watch another news on Sky TV. I laugh sometimes at the comical situation. Surely, I don’t need to juggle so many balls and keep them all in the air simultaneously. What is the point? I honestly don’t know because I am no cleverer or more informed.

I want to be able to do nothing at all, at least some of the time, as famously prescribed by Pooh, “Doing nothing often leads to the very best kind of something.” I don’t doubt Pooh for a second. In fact, it would be good therapy for me. I am a fidget by nature. I can’t sit still and do nothing. I do try but can’t hold out for too long. 

I know this sounds trite but it’s true. I know I am wholly present – mind, body, soul, mouth and belly – when I am having desserts in a café or restaurant. Not in my home as I tend to shovel them in too quickly. I very slowly relish every mouthful. Speculate on the ingredients. Feel sad when I approach my last mouthful. I am totally immersed in the pleasure and in the moment. Nothing like desserts to capture my entire being.

From this year on, I want to try to just be in the moment. No rushing ahead. No doing three things at once. No not listening properly. No not caring enough. I want to be more still. A little more aware of the here and now. That’s my resolution.