I like birthdays. Mine, particularly. March is my birthday month, and today is my birthday. Yay.

Birthday month, yes. I started feeling celebratory on March 2, not March 1, as that’s sister number 2’s birthday. I let her have that day😊

For me, my birthday month is like a licence/permission/green-light to feel special, and do and have whatever I want. It’s a feeling…it’s like come March, a switch gets turned on, and I feel good (reminds me of the James Brown song). I feel nice and a tad exclusive. Almost like the days and month are mine to do as I please, if that makes sense.

It’s not like I can’t feel good or not do or can’t have whatever I want outside my birthday month, within reason and legally, that is. I can, more so at this stage of my life. But somehow, I don’t feel like it and don’t choose to.

Mustering excitement is a task in itself, especially after my mum passed. Don’t get me wrong. Life goes on. I am present. I’m engaged. I am happy enough. But, it’s harder. I miss her and this is my first birthday without my mum. Of course, I’m grateful for all the years I’ve had with her but it’s still not easy.

Last year, she bought me a cake, comprising 12 pre-cut slices. Each slice different and full of flavour and yumminess. I kept it in her fridge, in her condo. She watched me, from her blue sofa, with a knowing smile, as I ate them all. Naturally, I offered her a slice but she declined. My mum is not a cake person. I remember … many years ago in Alor Setar, my dad was gifted a butter cake for Deepavali. Why? I don’t know. Back then, my mum also watched me walk to-and-fro from the fridge, sneaking a little piece at a time. Finally, she suggested I take whatever remained of the cake out of the fridge, and eat it at the dining table, saving me the trouble of walking up and down😊

As with my previous birthdays, thus far, I have happily consumed some delectable desserts, pastries, and ice-cream from cafes that I handpicked. And, currently, my husband and I are away on a short local holiday. Usually, I’m home so that I can celebrate with my mum and get her blessings.

Hmm… yes. Although I broadcast my birthday month, mainly to my husband and family, who already know my celebratory antics, I actually don’t like fuss. And, nothing public. I’m not interested in parties. I don’t want nor enjoy a gathering of people. I prefer to keep things quiet and small. This year, however, I was pleasantly surprised with a pre-birthday cake and song from my schoolmates.

That said, I still wondered about birthdays and people. Why some liked celebrations (sister number 3, brother-in-law number 3, brother number 2 and me) while others didn’t like making a big deal (my husband, nephew number 2) and some who simply hated them (I don’t know anyone personally, thank goodness).

Surprisingly, maybe it was my Google search keywords, I found more articles about people who didn’t like/celebrate their birthdays than those who did.

Quite clearly, birthday enthusiasts like the attention and love, and the feeling of being special, important, and appreciated (fair enough).  A birthday party is also a genuine way to meet people, and widen social connections (not for me but why not).

There were far more reasons for not doing birthdays. For instance, the not at all or less enthusiastic feel overwhelmed with the focus and unwanted attention accorded them. The social pressures to mingle and speak with people is hard to deal with especially for introverts.

Negative memories and unpleasant past experiences, possibly from childhood. Personal, cultural, and/or religious factors is another reason. For some people birthdays are viewed as just another day on the calendar. Not deserving of observation or celebration. Sigh. 

Aging is also cited for disliking/deleting birthdays.

‘Blowing out the candles on the cake may serve as a stark reminder of time passing. This act can trigger anxieties about age, unmet expectations, and personal goal attainment for some individuals^[1].’  Big sigh.

I was obviously oblivious about birthday blues. I’ve heard sad songs about birthdays but didn’t quite appreciate the depth/enormity of it.

Clinical psychologist, Dr Rebecca Ray says, ‘And for those of you who have someone who isn’t a ‘birthday person’ in your life and doesn’t want to be, this is a personal experience that belongs to them to be respectful and mindful of that. Ask them what would feel meaningful for them in terms of acknowledgement and then do no more or less than that^[2].”  Noted.  

Anyhow, I aim to keep enjoying my birthday, and the balance of my March birthday month. With more desserts, preferably. Yay.