Disillusioned yet happy and hopeful
I’m thinking. I’m questioning. I am consumed with thoughts, and questions. My headspace is full. I can’t sleep or stay asleep for too long. I have stare-into-space-moments. But I still get on and do most of the chores that need doing. I’m alright. I’m more alright than not, which is good. In fact, my husband […]
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Last week my husband and I went on a road trip, of sorts. We didn’t spend too much time planning it. Our destination was the Belum Rainforest in Gerik, Perak. We wanted a stopover. Somewhere half way between Kuala Lumpur and Gerik. Ipoh, the capital of Perak, was the obvious choice as it was close […]
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The plan was to post this story on 20th May. It didn’t happen. I trashed it. Last week, I retrieved it from the ‘bin.’ Mongolia was the holiday my husband and I were looking forward to since March this year. We researched and identified tour companies, flights, and hotels. We finalised our bookings when sister […]
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I wasn’t sure when my husband first asked me if writing about my mum helped/helps me. I am a little surer now. It does. I’m constantly thinking and remembering things about my mum. Putting my all-consuming thoughts, feelings and memories in writing gives them structure and a home/blog that I can visit and revisit, when […]
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My husband asked me if it helps me writing about my mum. Yes and no. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s been over five weeks since she left. Yes, that long already. It feels a lot longer to me. I’m ok and I’m not. I’m in a state of flux. I go about doing the daily stuff. […]
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My heart continues to hurt. I miss my mum. I can’t see her. I can’t speak or share with her the things that are going on in my life. Not in person. I knew/know she couldn’t have held on much longer. She was getting more breathless and weaker by the day. It was a struggle. […]
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I asked my mum to wait for me. I touched her feet, something I rarely do, and said goodbye. I stepped out of the front door, and waved at her. She smiled, waved, and looked directly at me. She doesn’t do that when her Tamil serials are on. Her focus is usually the telly, and […]
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I get it. Old is not cool. I was young once myself. I’m guilty of not giving much thought about older people. I didn’t know what they liked or needed. I can’t remember spending time with them. I didn’t have friends, who were older than me. Old people in my life were my parents, my […]
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My mum will be 91 this year. Every so often, she tells me she wants to go to her Tata or grandfather’s house. It’s a story she has created in her head. Part imagination and part memories. My mum’s Tata story has grown manifold since she first started talking about it when she became unwell […]
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My brain, sometimes, stops in the present. Preoccupied with life, and daily routines. It forgets how she was/used to be. Right up to August 2021, my mum was the queen of her condo/castle. She had a daily schedule. Up every morning at 5.30am. Complained about being late even before she began the day. A constant clock […]
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