A few weeks ago, I deposited a large bin bag at a recycling centre in KL. I’m downsizing.

The bag contained mainly clothes. T-shirts and skorts that I no longer wear. Dresses that I haven’t worn in months, maybe years. They fit but they didn’t quite feel age appropriate. I was a tad sad and amused at how I came to that conclusion. Instinct, I guess. I hope they find good homes because they are lovely dresses that my husband had bought me, surprisingly they all fitted (a story for another day), to celebrate one of our milestone anniversaries.

Consciously, over the last few months, my purchases have mostly been on a need for basis. My need items include skincare and personal care. Products that I use daily and/or frequently. I have no need for new clothes. Last year, for my birthday I was gifted a sun shirt. Three pairs of pants – two ankle garter pants and one baggy jeans. I know. One body, three pants. Why? What can I say, I liked them. I also bought myself three t-shirts that were on sale. I had been eyeing them for a while and when there was a mark down, I felt obliged to buy not one but three. I convinced myself I was saving money. In a way I did as the clothes were from the children’s section, which costs about 30-50% less. The sum total of new clothes was seven. Admittedly, sometimes it’s just nice to have something new to wear.

I’ve started on my second large bin bag. The plan is to gradually fill it up with clothes etc, etc. For no reason I’m still hanging on to my work wardrobe of tailored skirts and pant suits, and other social wear that I now have less use for. And, bags accumulated over the years. Totes, handbags, and clutches. I remember my first designer bag. A not cheap beige Byblos backpack that invariably looked dirty quickly.  

I also intend to go through my shoe cupboard. I have more trainers and walking boots than stilettoes. I still have the black peekaboo high heels I bought for my wedding, many years ago. I wore them last September for our niece’s wedding. Shoes fit whatever age or weight. But they did hurt after walking, standing and a bit of dancing. 

Next, is my collection of plush toys. I’ve so many. This will be a difficult task. Every special occasion is represented by fluffy brown bears, doe-eyed sheep, mottled cows, floppy-eared dogs and my all-time favourite, big, medium, and baby pink hippos. They sit on two decorative ladders, and on, inside and anywhere there’s space on my open shelf office cabinet. Joy and Amni (my pink hippos) share a rocking chair, specially bought for them.

My effort to downsize was prompted after my mum’s passing. Sisters number 1- 4 had helped sort and clear a lot of her things last May. Photo albums, sarees, t-shirts, sarongs, and cookware. Despite that initial sort-out, there were/are so many of my mum’s belongings still sitting in her condo. Even now, I’m hard pressed to give her things away. I’m keeping some more. I already have a lot. Am giving some more away. Some still remain.

My mum saved almost everything that she bought, and everything that was given to her. Yes, she was a bit of a hoarder. But I think it has to do with her upbringing and life. She didn’t have much, so she held on to whatever she had. She loved her pots, pans, and cutlery. When she was able, and when we visited any department store, she would gravitate to the pots and pans section. Her ‘babies’ as she would call them. Her life was about cooking and feeding us, her family. So, it makes sense that her interest was in cooking implements. Her arsenal comprised pressure cookers, rice cookers, steamers, presses, woks, pots, pans, and ladles of varying sizes for different dishes and occasions.

She also loved her multitudes of plastic and enamel kitchen ware. Yes, they were not green or green enough. My mum amassed an array of plates, bowls, cups, cutting boards, enough to probably start a little corner shop. And … paper napkins from restaurants that I had given her. One featured a mum and a child holding hands because it reminded us of us. She kept them. They were hers and they were precious to her. And, that really is the point. They were her possessions, and they were special to her.

Still to sort are her bedsheets, pillows, Goodmaid washing up liquid, prayer items. I know this sorting/clearing has to be done on my mum’s behalf, but it is hard and heart heavy. 

Which is why while I’m able, I want to decide on what stays and what goes. Downsize.