We try to meet up for lunch at least once every quarter.  And when we do, we chat and laugh as if time has stood still. There is an easy comfort, no airs, no pretensions. Babbling away about anything and everything.

There was a long lapse of some 15 years – no phone calls, no emails, well, no communication at all – we hadn’t bumped into each other even at a shopping mall, like most people do. I think my husband saw her a couple of times having lunch, and at one of those times, she said she would call me.

We first met at a PR agency. Worked on the same account. We both left that agency. Met up at another agency. Then decided we would set up our own little company. By little, I mean little. Just her and me. We were not ambitious. Hated marketing. Didn’t really like socializing. We were both introverts, who liked writing and just getting on with the work at hand. We switched the ‘on’ and ‘off’ button as required when we had to deal with people and clients.

Yes, we knew all along we were in a totally wrong profession.  Our company disbanded when she got married and went to live in another state.

Fast forward and we are doing lunches and getting up to speed with our lives, friends and families. I enjoy having this casual catch-up. Yes, we moan about work, people and life in general, and we exchange views about politics and the economy.  We also laugh a lot, a precious commodity.

Here is the thing. Why didn’t we keep in touch? Why didn’t we make the effort? Especially since our friendship has always been effortless.

I have had the same experience with some of my university and work friends. I remember spending almost every waking hour in each other’s faces in campus and I remember fondly sharing milestone events in our young lives – first jobs, marriages, babies, illnesses and even deaths. We were there for each other. These were not casual acquaintances. These were people whom I genuinely liked. And yet, years have passed and we haven’t kept in touch.

I am guilty of not making the effort. I am not very good with phone calls but with social media applications like WhatsApp, Facebook and what have you, there really is no excuse. So, yes, I am guilty. But, it does take two  to  stay connected. Which brings me back to the same question, why don’t we keep in touch if we have so much in common and actually like each other’s company?

Off the top of my head, I could justify not reaching out to friends to being busy with work and personal obligations.  I like to believe my work keeps me so busy that I can’t spare a few minutes to text and arrange to meet up. I could also attribute my busyness to time spent with my husband, my mum who lives near us and keeping house.  I work from home, and work does occupy a lot of my time. On the domestic front, I don’t cook and we have cleaners to tidy up our home. I do a bit of laundry, and help my mum with her groceries and stuff around her home.

If I am truly honest, I would say I don’t try hard enough and there is also an element of laziness. I plan to contact friends, and what happens is work gets in the way, a chore demands my attention or I just forget, and my plan gets placed on the wayside. This goes on day after day, not consciously, and before I know it months have passed and no contact is made. This is one scenario.

The other is the “Should I or shouldn’t I?” dilemma. After a long lapse of being incommunicado, I wonder if it’s appropriate to get in touch, and somehow again, convince myself that it might not be. At times, I have mental discussions about why my friends have not made the effort to contact me, and these convoluted arguments end in me convincing myself to not call or text. Another day, month and year passes on.

What a waste of time, experiences and memories. Life is too short to not make time for friends…