I met up with an ex-colleague a few weeks ago.  As usual, we spoke about our long ago work life, people whom we hung out with and where we are at now. Our customary walk down memory lane.

This time, unusually, we touched, albeit, fleetingly on personalities. Our mutual friends whom we spent time with outside of work, and while at work. From a department or pool of over 100 employees, we were a band of six to eight individuals, who were, not necessarily, like-minded. If anything, we were a mix-bag of personalities.

We went to pubs, listened to bands, enjoyed parties, and even did holidays away. When we were together, the conversations, sometimes, were over each other. The louder and funnier ones held sway, while the rest interjected once in a way, and/or listened, and/or agreed and/or laughed along. Don’t get me wrong, it was light hearted and a lot of fun. There was a sense of camaraderie. It was nice to belong. And, I was young. Just starting my career.

But I wondered, even back then, about my membership in the group. Why? Because I’m a solo-ist, not in the arty/musical sense. I’m mostly quite happy in my own company. I’m also mostly an introvert. I don’t generally mind people. Not random people. Not too many, and not all at the same time.

My preference was and still is meeting up with one or two good friends. If pushed, four. People I know and am comfortable with, whom I can have proper conversations with. Listen, talk, share views and opinions, and hopefully, have a laugh. Over brunch/lunch or tea. For two-three hours. Beyond that I start to wane, and feel tired and distracted. I run out of things to say. I’m ready to go home for some quiet, me time. This is me.

Last month, I had a get-together with my school mates that stretched from lunch to dinner. Yes, really. I left after tea-time, which was already far too long for me. There were at least 12 of us, and we were, at times, talking over each other. Not ideal but it happens. While it was a nice catch-up especially as I hadn’t seen some of them for a few years, it went on for too many hours.

I have a low tolerance for sitting and chatting for prolonged periods of time. Maybe, if we were doing some activity, I might be able to handle it better. Walking or bowling that doesn’t require sitting around for too long. At times, I don’t want to attend these sorts of gatherings because they are long drawn and include too many people. Surely, I can say to myself to stay a while longer as these meetings are not frequent. True and I agree. Thing is I feel desperate. I’m drained of energy. And at the expense of seeming anti-social, which I probably am, a little, all I want to do is flee. Again, it’s me.

I remember as a teenager at my Taman Golf home in Alor Setar, I used to seek refuge with my dogs when relatives visited. I would disappear onto the back balcony and only emerge when the voices disappeared. And quiet, prevailed again. This was me.  

Ironically, I worked in marketing, journalism, and public relations. Jobs that were people facing and required speaking with and mingling with lots of random people. My ex-business partner and I, both introverts and ex-journos, used to laugh out loud at the incredulity of an unlikely duo like us ending up, particularly, in public relations.

Curiosity piqued. I looked up the make-up of an introvert. I found these.

Amongst the signs that describe an introvert are that they enjoy me time but don’t want to be alone all the time; have a few close friends whom they enjoy being with; feel drained of energy when in the company of too many people; other people find it difficult to know them as they are quieter and reserved; they avoid the spotlight, feel emotions deeply, prefer to learn by watching and prefer jobs that can be done independently like a writer, researcher etc.

Also, there are different types of introverts.

• Social introverts: This type of introvert prefers small vs. large groups of people. They prefer a quiet night at home over a night out.
• Thinking introverts: Introverts in this category tend to spend a lot of time thinking. They are introspective and creative.
• Anxious introverts: Anxious introverts often feel unsettled or nervous around people during social interactions.
• Inhibited introverts: This type of introvert tends to overthink, spending a significant amount of time considering a decision before doing anything[1].

Clearly, there is a spectrum of introverts, with elements of shared and unique traits. My takeaway is I’m a combo-introvert. A little bit of this, and a little bit of that…😊