Sisters number 1 and 4 were in KL last week. Spending time with them made me think of life’s luxuries.

Why? A few weeks ago, I had written about life’s ‘real’ luxuries. A subjective, non-exhaustive list of 11 nice-to-have luxuries such as time, health, ability to travel, meaningful conversations, people you love and people who love you right back.

Their presence prompted me to add one more item to the list. Memories.

Sister number 1 and 4 live in England and Australia respectively. More than a drive or a hop away on the MRT/LRT or bus. They both travelled somewhere between 16 to 20 hours, door to door, to get to KL. With commitments, yes, commitments to their families, distance, age, and existing and new ailments – factors that have, and will very likely make long haul travel – increasing less frequent. Hence, it was a luxury and an opportunity to be together. To appreciate the precious time we have with each other. Create new and happy memories, particularly while we still could and were able to.

We reminisced as only siblings can, having been in the trenches, so to speak, on the good and bad old days. We shared our individual experiences as children. Our shared history growing up. We spoke about our dad. Our mum and brother number 1, our more recent losses. Our genuine care and love for each other and our families. It was hard and heartfelt. But honest and raw as it made us, at least me, feel relaxed enough to want to be open, and a little more connected. I prefer face-to-face interactions rather than facetime and/or telephone conversations where stuff said or not said have and can, not always, be misinterpreted.

Together with brother number 2, we also visited our mum and brother number 1, at their final resting place. Whilst there, we recounted our mum’s love for flowers, plants, and fruits. Her astute gardening knowledge and skills, learnt from her mum, Tulasi, who owned orchards, and even cotton trees. Brother number 2 spoke about his ‘encounter’ with brother number 1 soon after he had passed, and dreams about our mum and brother number 1. It was familial, casual, and nice.

Naturally, no visit home is complete without some shopping and eating lots of local food. We enjoyed some restaurant-hopping. Both sisters experimented and indulged in as many local food and fruits as their capacities allowed. We did more get-togethers involving more food and more eating with nieces, nephew, and in-laws. Top favourites were Nyonya kueh/cakes, ice-kacang or shaved ice with lots of yummies, salted prawns and prawns cooked in all styles. No visit home can also be complete without treats of loads of chocolate. Yay.

While my sisters have flown to Sabah for the second leg of their holiday, I have collected happy memories of our time together. These will be my treasure trove of nice-to-have new memories to recall and revisit.

Hmm… I’ve been under a pall since our mum and brother number 1 passed. The meaning and fragility of life have become recurring themes and topics that I read about, think, talk, and write about. Clearing the last of my mum’s things in her condo, her home for the last ten years of her 90+ life, reinforced to me that life, no matter the number of years lived, is transient. While she reigned, she was the queen of her condo. Her presence, evident in every nook and corner. All that were hers, and that mattered to her, now packed into bags, and given away. I never imagined her condo without her.

So, what was the point of it all? At times, I feel there is no point. When I’m in a more sensible state of mind, I think the point is that my mum lived a full life. Children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She travelled to all the places that was on her bucket list. She was loved and cared for. And, she and I did many things, shared many special moments and experiences together.

In fact, I smiled and chuckled when I thought of my mum and me dancing to Shakira’s ‘Waka Waka’ or ‘This time for Africa, ’ which was our exercise song/music. Or when I watched her sleep in her wing chair only for her to wake up and deny she was sleeping, and then slyly smiling for being caught in the act. Or our round-trip LRT ride to Subang Jaya. Or her excitement at Deepavali. Or her joy on her 90^th birthday. Gratefully the list is long as there will be no new memories with my mum. These are my treasure trove of memories that I can revisit, and remember her by, forever.  

Memories give meaning, value and context to life. They trigger all sorts of feelings/emotions. They also, sometimes, connect and strengthen relationships/bonds. A nice-to-have luxury.