I asked my mum to wait for me. I touched her feet, something I rarely do, and said goodbye. I stepped out of the front door, and waved at her. She smiled, waved, and looked directly at me. She doesn’t do that when her Tamil serials are on. Her focus is usually the telly, and she gives me/us a sideways wave. Amusing but understandable as most things come to a full stop between 6pm – 8.30pm.

l last saw my mum about 7.30pm on Friday, 17 May when her Tamil serial ‘Kayal’ was on. That evening my husband and I left for Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. The flight was at 12.10am on Saturday, 18 May. We flew Air China. A story for another day. We arrived in Ulaanbaatar or UB on Saturday morning via Beijing.  And, sat in UB’s traffic jam for at least an hour (who knew but apparently traffic is really bad in the capital city) before we got to our hotel.

On Sunday, as we were about to complete the first day of our trip, sister number 3 called to say my mum had passed. My world literally stopped. All I could think was I had asked her to wait for me, and she hadn’t. I’ve been with my mum almost always. Hours, months, days, and years. With her or close by. I left her Friday night. She left me Sunday evening. It was as if she waited for me to leave to leave. Aiyoh!

My heart and head were in a turmoil. I desperately wanted to be home with my mum. I desperately wanted to leave Mongolia. The Air China office in UB was closed for the day. We had to contact the airline’s customer service office in Beijing. But, both our mobiles didn’t allow international calls. Thankfully, our guide loaned us his. To secure our return flight home on Monday morning, penalties and surcharges had to be paid. In yuan. No credit card payment was permitted. Gratefully, the Air China customer service representative helped connect us to her European office that accepted credit card payments, preferably European bank-issued cards. Luckily, my husband has a Barclay card. We paid in euros, and eventually received an email confirmation at about 9.30pm.

I couldn’t/didn’t sleep all night thinking about my mum. She can’t die. She was supposed to wait for me. I tried to make sense of what had happened. Yes, my mum has said enough times she wanted to go to her Tata or grandfather’s house. Yes, she was tired of being alive at her age, lamenting as to why she was still here. Yes, she was fed-up of being reliant. Yes, she told me not to worry. Yes, she said she was waiting for sister number 3 to arrive. Yes, she said sister number 3 could handle ‘things’ better than I could, and yes, she had asked sister number 3 to come/be home, and take care of me ‘in the event.’ 

Yes, my mum was spending more time asleep than awake. Immediately after her morning shower, she’d ask if she could go off to sleep. I’d say ‘yes, after you wear your baju, which was a sarong.’ So worn-out was she. She has a sleep after lunch. More so, more recently. A few times, I had to wake her up so she could be ready for her 6pm – 8.30 pm viewing slot. News at 6pm, followed by ‘Anantha Ragam,’ ‘Sundari’ and ‘Kayal.’ My mum was involved and vocal with the characters in these three serials. Yes, she has had more unwell days than good days since late February. Laboured breathing despite being almost consistently at 5 LPM on her oxygen concentrator. Globules of phlegm despite being on several courses of antibiotics prescribed by her palliative doctor.

So, why did I jump on a plane and go to UB? A remote, not so easily accessible destination. Why, indeed? Actually, my husband and I have left the country twice before. In 2022 and 2023 to visit my mum-in-law and family. I didn’t attend my dad-in-law’s funeral in 2021 when my mum first became very unwell. A regret I still carry with me. In 2024, my husband and I decided on an adventure holiday. This was after sister number 3 arrived on 27 April for six weeks. To look after my mum. To give me a break. And, to allow us that holiday.

Naturally, I knew fully well my mum was 90 years old, with ailments and all the symptoms of ageing. I never thought she’d die. She has given me many scares in the past – eleven minutes of unexplainable deep sleep when we – sister number 3, the palliative doctor and me – couldn’t arouse her, unpredictable high fever, tachycardia, fluid retention and dengue, yes, dengue.

My mum has always beaten the odds and pulled through. Not on 19 May. I wasn’t with her, and my heart hurts.