I don’t like Upma. I don’t like its taste, texture or look. My mum likes it. So much that she’d probably have it every Friday, her second vegetarian day in the week, if she could. Monday is her first designated non-meat day. My mum’s vegetarian days go up each month correspondingly with the number of religious days she observes on the Indian calendar.

I visit my mum many times a day. She lives in the same condo building as I do. One Friday lunch I happened to walk in when she was about to cook Upma, a Suji-based Indian breakfast. More on this later. She looked rather tiny compared to the wok that was sitting rather precariously on the gas hob. Naturally, I did what every good daughter would do. I volunteered to help cook it. Long story short, my mum was not happy with my performance. She said I had ruined her Upma. Maybe I did. I didn’t know what good Upma was supposed to look like or taste. I never liked the stuff.

Friday came around, again. Upma was on the cards, again. This time my mum vehemently told me she didn’t want my help. In fact, she categorically told me to go back to my condo and leave her alone to cook her lunch. The image of that huge wok worried me. My mum, despite her tough talk, is old and frail. So, I convinced her to give me a second chance. I requested her close supervision so I didn’t mess up. After some persuasion, she agreed. This is true. I was laughing hysterically on the inside. I dislike cooking. More so when its stuff I don’t like and don’t eat. I have savoury meals only because, apparently, I have to.

Surprisingly, my second go at Upma went rather smoothly and successfully. First, I managed to put the mustard seeds quietly in their place. No more popping all over the hob, kitchen floor and living room. I learnt from my first encounter with them when I helped my mum make dhal some weeks ago. First, dhal. Second, Upma. What next?  What’s happening to me? Anyway, instead of throwing the mustard seeds into the hot oil like I did before, I gently dropped them into the not-yet hot oil. That was the trick.  A few still managed to escape. But, it was totally manageable. Hunting them down later was easier. This was followed by a handful of Urad dhal or black lentils and Ulundhu or black gram.  

Standing by my side, my mum instructed me to next place the ginger and onions in the wok. Some grated carrots followed.  Water to help cook the ingredients. She mentioned that her grater was blunt, and that had made grating the carrots difficult. I offered to give her mine. At which point she casually said that I had probably taken her much sharper grater back to my place. Why would I take her grater, of all things? I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. My mum carried on telling me that she liked carrots in her Upma although other vegetables like beans could be included.

Back to the Upma. Next came the already roasted Suji flour. She spooned the flour into the mixture and instructed me to stir quickly and steadily. To avoid it burning and turning mushy, she told me to reduce the heat to the barest minimum. I had got this part wrong previously. I kept it on high heat. My mum then added a few dollops of ghee. I also got the ghee part wrong. I had used almost half of the 400 gm ghee pot. After some more stirring, and once it looked like the Upma she recognised and approved of – we were done. Fluffy Upma that met my mum’s standard. Happy mum. And, happy me.

Ingredients, measurements and instruction

Again, the ingredients, measurements and instruction are based solely on my mum’s description. A handful is the size of her cupped arthritic hand, cup refers to an old milk tin, a ladle full is the ladle she’s had forever, enough of this or that refers to gut feel and visual appearance, and save some for later means prepare more of one ingredient so that it can shared and used in another recipe.

INGREDIENTS

• Oil
• 2 teaspoons mustard seeds
• Handful of Urad dhal or black lentils
• Handful of Ulundhu or black gram  
• A small cut of ginger
• 3 medium onions
• 300 gm Suji flour
• 2 tablespoon dollops of ghee
• 2.5 cups water – enough to cook
• Salt to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Heat oil in wok 
2. Before oil heats up, gently place the mustard seeds
3. Then Urad dhal and Ulundhu
4. Cook a bit
5. Add ginger first. Then onions. Then salt
6. Throw in the carrots
7. Pour some water to enable mixture to cook properly
8. Once cooked, spoon Suji flour into wok and stir quickly
9. When mixture comes together, add a few dollops of ghee
10. When Upma looks fluffy and cooked, turn off stove
11. Done

I cannot say this enough times. I really do not like Upma. But, I do like spending time with my mum. And, listening to her and her stories, however abrupt or disjointed they might be.