As my mum’s carer, I spend a fair amount of time with her. I pop down to see her about four times a day as she lives on a lower floor in the same condominium as my husband and me.

I know her schedule. She is up between 5-5.30am every morning. Yes, that’s correct. I’m not sure whether she can’t sleep for longer or she wakes up like clockwork to get on with the day. Admittedly, she is super slow so she needs more time to complete tasks. She gets upset with herself for being slow. I console her and congratulate her for still being able to do the things she wants to, albeit steadily. Her morning timetable includes sweeping the floor (habit and exercise) and toing and froing between the bathroom and kitchen multiple times. A very long shower. Then prayers.

Each morning when I meet up with her before 8am, she reminds me that she is running late. Late for what? It’s not like she has people to meet and places to visit. I think it’s the Indian upbringing. Sleeping in was frowned upon. I remember as children we were expected to ‘rise and shine.’ Shower and pray. Start the day on the right foot. Seriously and physically, on the right foot. I’m not sure what was not right with the left foot. If I didn’t have a left foot, I’d fall over. Even now, my mum can’t forget nor detach herself from that questionable practice.

Me, I never understood it. It wasn’t as if we were living on a farm. Up before the sun. Milk the cows, collect eggs from the chicken, clean out the stable or hoe the hay or some such thing. Like my mum, I am, by default, an early riser. Not 5.30am early but early-ish. Even when I am tired, I roll myself out of bed. I am trying very hard to wean myself off this useless habit of waking up early especially since I’ve trouble sleeping at night. The blame lies squarely on the ‘rise and shine’ childhood conditioning.

Back to my mum. Prayer is interspersed with lots of short and long naps. Naturally, she drops off to sleep as her poor old body has already been up a good five to six hours. The morning hot shower sets her up nicely for dozing while praying. Again, it upsets her that she falls asleep beginning, mid and probably all through the prayer. I tell my mum God understands. God knows she’s doing her best, and that’s all that counts. She flashes me an unbelieving smile.

My second visit is at lunch time. I arrive with Western food like savoury scones or cook Indian meals like ‘dhal’ and vegetables. Sometimes she opts to have her staples – ‘Bengali’ bread,’ oats, cream crackers, plain digestives or hazelnut crunchies. We do a few exercises together after some percussion for her lungs plus back and knee massage. Because of her speed or lack of it, I lay out her meal while she takes her medicines for the day and makes coffee. She has a protracted nap to recuperate from the unbelievable early start. Midday is also the time she tries to catch some sun on her balcony. Whilst there, waters her aloe vera plants. She enjoys watching people in the nearby condominiums, going to work and going about their business. The incessant flow of cars and LRT trains are another source of interest.  

My third visit is at tea-time. We used to have biscuits or local cakes for tea. Not so much now. The afternoon sleep more often extends to early evening. And, she needs time to sit up and orientate herself. She confuses the darkening skies of dusk to the greyish breaking light of dawn. She cannot rush or be rushed as that makes her anxious. A lot of time is also spent going to the bathroom and even longer combing her hair. Its thinned so much. But she stills prides herself in combing the few remaining strands into a nice little bun. Her arthritic hands make the whole process hard work. We chat in between telephone calls from my sisters and brother.

My fourth and usually last visit for the day is around 10pm. Just when her Tamil serials end. She has dinner while watching these soaps, totally immersed with whatever the characters are up to. Interruptions are not well tolerated during her daily dose of entertainment. I do a little security check on everything, and her. We have a chat.  My other older brother calls. Sometimes sister number 3. Bedtime is around 11.30pm.

My mum’s day is full. She and I have a daily schedule. I look forward to seeing her and she, me.