I’m not as excited as I used to be. Mustering enthusiasm seems to require more effort and imagination.

There is less get up and go. A bit of done that, seen that and been there. I guess my husband and I have done a fair bit of travelling, uprooting, and trying different things in our lifetime. We were younger then, and more willing and ready to take on challenges. And, although we reminisce about the fun adventures and ‘the good old days’ we check ourselves because we know there is an element of rose-tinted glasses, and all that.

Anyways, there’s still a lot more out there to see and do. And, we’ve been gradually doing more interesting and new stuff lately. Despite all of that, there’s an underlying woefulness, on my part. My husband attributed the malaise to my mum’s passing. He’s not wrong. I either missed or didn’t receive the memo about the finality of death. I want to see and speak to her. I miss my mum. I feel sadness and a deep sense of loss that is hard to shake off.

The lingering melancholy, I think, is also to some extent linked to the recurring news of older family members and friends suffering from and/or afflicted with age-associated diseases. It’s almost not unusual to hear about people, yes older people, whom I know or have heard of with cardiovascular issues, arthritis, cataracts, osteoporosis, diabetes, hypertension, cancer, and Alzheimer’s disease. My family and my sister-in-law’s family had/have it all. We can tick off all the boxes. Appointments/visits to doctors/hospitals is a frequent theme as is the number of parents and partners, who are dependent on their already older children and/or spouses.

I also think I’ve been in a routine for far too long. While routine helps shape and give direction to each day, it can sometimes be, what else, routine. Sameness is the mother of monotony, and can numb the mind/soul and curb thinking/excitement. This is true. I heard an older gentleman loudly proclaim to his family, ‘At my age, I’m so set in my ways, I don’t know anything else.’ Life sans a timetable and a little less predictability can sometimes be a good thing. Hmm.

This is also true. There’s a newly opened skateboard park near my condo. The younger me would have already tried it out. I know this because I enjoy sports. I roller-skate, ice-skate, and ski. Now, I think not about trying skateboarding but breaking something because of my osteoporosis, fear of pain, recovery, dependence, inconvenience etc. I am cautious. I stick to what I know, just in case. I’m not sure if that’s the right decision. Sister number 3 and I went ice-skating one Christmas long ago. She took ice-skating classes, and broke her right wrist. So how? It’s also not just about being risk-averse, it’s about strength, endurance, weakening vision and hand-eye coordination. I used to play squash, tennis, and badminton. Energy is needed to cover the courts, and wearing glasses makes it harder to see/assess ball/shuttlecock flight and placement. So how?

This is also true. My husband and I went to listen to music a couple of weeks ago. The rock band was one that I have seen/listened to before but not in a while. The members have aged, as have I. The audience was mainly in their 30’s. There were a few older people. I noticed an older gentleman with two younger ladies. He didn’t stand up but swung his arms in the air to the music. I thought he looked funny and out of step. Immediately, I chided myself for being judgy. Why though? I guess social norms of what is considered acceptable and appropriate behaviour for people of a certain age. Which explains phrases like ‘mutton dressed liked a lamb or ram.’  There’s enough societal pressure to stop some older people from trying new adventures and/or just having fun. 

I didn’t know this but … ‘Another factor that contributes to lowered excitement in older people is a drop in dopamine levels. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is responsible for feelings of pleasure and reward. As we age, our brain’s ability to produce dopamine decreases, which means that we don’t experience the same level of pleasure and excitement from activities that used to excite us[1].

‘In a region of the brain that plays a role in cognitive and motor function, levels of dopamine decline by about 13% each decade after age 45. Low dopamine levels are associated with depression, lack of motivation, and pleasure. These mood and motivational changes also may be seen with normal aging in some people[2].

What to do? Death, illnesses, and loss of excitement are unavoidable with age. The advice I get given is to take care, be happy and live life the best I/we can. So, there we have it. Hmm.