I wrote about speaking up a couple of weeks ago. I still think I should when necessary. And, should have, in those two instances, when I didn’t.  

That said, there are situations when it’s better not to rush to speak up or say what’s really on my mind. The audience/people whom I speak to/with is a factor. The timing, when and where the conversation or discussion takes place. Also, how prickly and how literate I am about a particular subject. Usually, I know when to be a little less vocal.  

I don’t/won’t talk about or share my dark and morbid thoughts. Yes, I do have them. They feature intermittently in my head. In addition to other thoughts, images and memories that swirl in my busy brain. These morbid thoughts are nothing too worrying, at least not to me. Still, they are best left unspoken only because I don’t know how others might perceive them or react to them. Or worse decide that I need help because something needs fixing in my head. I do need help but not that kind. 

Around the house/condo, and with my mum would be nice. I find, sometimes, it’s difficult to be honest or bear my soul for the same reason i.e. recipient response. It’s not solutions or quick fixes I’m looking for. Just an open, non-judgemental pair of ears to listen. Without too many questions and interruptions. The thing is because I’m normal or so I think, at least most of the time, not normal or unusual thoughts do pop up now and again. They are… but fleeting.

Just like emotions. I can be sad and morose one minute, and happy not-quite like Larry but pretty close, the next minute. In recent months, I’ve had heart-stabbing pains whenever thoughts of brother number 1 pop up. The things he would have said or memories of him and me. I know he’s passed but the thought that he has passed is shocking to my emotional system. Tears and sadness surface. I convince myself to get a grip, and then I’m alright. Thoughts and emotions are fluid, ever changing. So how? Speak up or not? Share or not? A tough call, yes. The answer, no.

I also don’t do sensitive topics. Particularly as I live in a multireligious and multicultural country. I choose not to engage in conversations that might offend some people. I also choose not to engage with people who view any views other than theirs as a personal affront. And worse, use them as cues or triggers to create national incidents, and polarise people and communities. Sadly, there are just too many self-serving people with personal agendas amongst us. Hmm.

I try not to waste my energy on politics and all things related to politicians. It’s difficult not to because the decisions they make and policies they approve or not affects me, directly or indirectly. I, like many others, voted in the last elections. In the hope that those, who represent us, will do right by us. Not necessarily so. My 2 cents. It beguiles me that policies that are clearly unjust are promoted, and reforms that should’ve have been implemented are stalled. To be fair, I don’t think policy making or getting support for change is easy but that’s what ‘they’ pledged during their campaign trails. It’s ‘their’ job to deliver the promises ‘they’ made. So how? Shush up, and avoid angst.  

I try not to comment if I don’t know enough about a particular subject or topic. Unavoidably, I have lots of views and opinions about lots of topics, both contentious and not. Some personal. Some anecdotal. But, I keep most of them to myself. I also don’t say or repeat something improbable or absurd that was said or posted by some people because I think I can or should. Just in case, it causes hurt and upset feelings. 

I do my best to avoid starting a conversation or discussion if the timing is not quite right. Probably not first thing in the morning when office and other responsibilities beckon or last thing at night when people are genererally tired and/or can’t be bothered to think or be engaged. Most issues/problems that need talking through and sharing are usually not straight forward. They need a preamble, some explanation, and examples. All of which cannot be rushed.

This is true. I was in the lift in my condo when one of  my neighbour’s walked in. We are not friends but friendly. We exchanged social niceties. I don’t know why but I then said to her that she looked like she had lost weight. She replied if I had lost weight. Why would I tell her I had lost weight? Maybe she heard me wrong. Anyways, that was a classic case of when I should have said little or nothing.

Time to shush.