I’m guilty. Of not seeing, of not noticing, of not paying too much attention. I’m also guilty. Of not engaging. Of not asking questions. Of lacking interest. I’m more aware and empathetic now but still have a way to go despite becoming an older person myself.

For sure, old and older people weren’t born wrinkly, grey, slower and a little deaf. I/we were young once. With full, busy and active lives. Really. We had varied and challenging careers. From high flying corporate leaders of conglomerates and/or listed companies to community needed and relevant jobs like doctors, nurses, teachers and bus drivers. Or a journalist and PR person like I was. We went to school, college and university. Felt nervous on dates and fell in and out of love. Stayed out till the wee hours of the night at discos and clubs. Listened to popular music and bands, and attended concerts.  Ate fast food and dined at restaurants. Trekked near and far. Enjoyed holidays and probably took a gap year to travel extensively.

Played football, badminton and squash. Had hobbies like playing the guitar or diving. Drove and rode fast cars and motorbikes. Did wheelies because we could. (My parents-in-law rode their motorbike, all night, from Kent to Devon before the children arrived). Married. Divorced. Children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Experienced successes and suffered losses during our lifetime.

My mum used to complain back when she and I went shopping together that salespeople who promoted credit cards, fragrances and other stuff approached me and overlooked her. I explained to her that it was probably because she was not the likely target audience. Yes and no. Not gainfully employed, no bank would approve a credit card for her. Not that my mum had any interest in owning one. Perfumes, on the other hand, are not age-sensitive, and they might have been within my mum’s price range. My mum likes particular scents like Revlon’s Moon Drops and Yves Saint Laurent’s Opium which she sprays on when we went out. But she wasn’t given the option to consider and buy because she wasn’t asked. It could have been the perception and assumption that my mum, an older person, may not have been able to afford and/or was disinterested in the product. I cannot be sure.

While on holiday two weeks ago, an elderly gentlemen approached my husband, mum-in-law and me. He explained to us about how Brixham, a coastal town in Devon, England – played an important role on sea, land and air in helping to liberate Europe in WW2. He told us that he had worked as an army educator in Taiping, yes, Taiping in Perak, Malaysia. He got married to a nurse, who was also based in Taiping. They were together for an admirable 65 years. She died 18 months ago. A colourful and rich life that we would not have known about had he not shared it with us. I didn’t initiate a conversation with him (it’s not particularly normal to ask strangers questions). That encounter reiterated that older people, anywhere, had/have careers, lives and legacies.  

Closer to home, there is an older lady who lives in the same condominium building as my husband and me. We often see her alone, carrying a large bag. A little hunched and always ready to have a little chat. She was a Chief Financial Officer of a large company. Raised three daughters who now live and work in the US. I’m certain she has many stories to tell, if I asked her.

Closer to my heart is my mum. She will be 89 this September. She is definitely an old person. Anyone from the outside and/or younger members of the family, will see her as just that – an ailing and dependent old person, a grandmother and a great-grandmother.  When in fact, with a little effort, curiosity and a few questions, there is so much to learn from and about my mum. Her early life was challenging as she lost her dad at age 5. Marriage at 15 and 7 children make for some surprisingly interesting stories. In her 50’s and thereafter, she travelled to England and Australia several times. She also visited Paris, New Zealand, Japan, Venice and New Delhi.  She was/is a little storehouse of information.  A wonderful cook. A good baker of yummy local cakes. An efficient tailor. Adept at crochet. A good sense of humour. My best friend. 

Old people were like younger people now – many years ago in different times, economic growth and technological developments. Some continue to remain active but at a slower pace. But all have experienced, enjoyed and endured the different times/phases of childhood, adolescence, adulthood, middle-age and old age. I realise all of the above and yet I forget. Yes, I’m guilty