These days, I’m busy the first Monday of each month. I need to clean two altars, mine and my mum’s, give her a hair wash and bath, cook an oatmeal lunch, and get my blog ready for publication. In addition to other domestic stuff. Once done, I feel like I’ve had a productive or full day at the ‘office.’

When I did paid work, I used to be so pleased when my Work-in-Progress (WIP) tray was empty. I worked diligently to draft press releases, speech/s, press invites, and Q & A for media conferences and other events as quickly as possible. I could have chosen to finish my work over a few days. But, being productive and efficient gave me a sense of achievement, and relief.

Like clockwork, I was at my table before 9am. No time wasted. No frivolous chit-chats. Lunch, a blur. Met and beat deadlines. Always punctual for meetings and events. I did sometimes, maybe, most times, feel stressed and harried until each job/ event was completed successfully. I felt responsible and accountable to my clients. Maybe, it’s a personality thing. Anyways, I now don’t miss work. My clients don’t miss me or my work. Everyone has moved on. So, what was the point of that?  

The realisation hit home last week when I said a very brief ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ to my husband when our paths crossed. He walked into our home, and I hurriedly headed to my mum’s. It was like two ships passing in the night but it was us in the morning. The point is I didn’t even spend a few minutes talking to him. He had just returned after collecting his motorbike from the workshop. My head was already thinking of the next work/chore on my to-do list. I wanted to get on with my day, and not waste time enquiring, being nice or caring. Aiyoh !

Albeit, belatedly, work, working, being productive and efficient are all overrated. That said, when there is a contract of employment, there is an obligation and responsibility to deliver assignments/tasks on schedule, efficiently and accurately. But, when its repetitive and moolah-less work/chores – people, talking, listening, genuinely caring – should take precedence. The work will get done, when it gets done. Nobody, and I mean, nobody really cares. And, I desperately, don’t want to.

For a long time, I thought being right was important. Mainly because I didn’t want to be seen as being stupid or be made fun of. A lot older and a little more confident, too much value is placed on being right rather than being accurate or kind. There are situations when people, not wanting to lose face, get into arguments and fights to prove their point. There is no give as it would be seen as a sign of weakness. I am comfortable with not being right. In fact, I am ready to learn what it was that I was not right about.

What matters to me is being as accurate as possible. When I write my blog, apart from personal perspectives and experiences, I fact-check and make sure information and quotes are correctly attributed to. I do my best to not make mistakes and not share untruths. That said, in the social media dominated world that we live in, being correct and not telling lies, do not appear to be relevant. Sigh.

What matters more to me is being kind rather than being right. I’ve intermittent ‘squabbles’ with my mum. She would insist on something being this or that or repeat something that is not quite correct. Thankfully, nothing related to medicines or life-threatening matters. I try to correct the inaccuracy. Then, readily agree with her. She is happy, and I am not unhappy. 

Experts say family and social relationships provide support, and are good for mental, physical, and social growth. Interacting, connecting, and sharing also benefit the mind and soul. While I don’t totally disagree with these views, I think it’s a tad overrated. I accept I’m not good with people. More than two at a time, tops three, is a gathering. I’m also not good with too much chatter.  Most people prefer to talk rather than listen. No one really wants to know or cares enough to understand what’s happening with other people, their likes or problems or issues. Quite honestly, almost everyone is too busy with their own lives, careers and families to genuinely take notice, and act.

Hence, relationships can be superficial. Not supportive nor beneficial. Maybe, even intrusive. I come from a big family. I’m part of a WhatsApp group of school friends. I also have chat groups with a few university mates and ex-work colleagues. I don’t think it’s about the numbers or the most likes. A teeny circle of confidants works for me. I did say I’m not a people person. Hmm.