A baby turtle’s struggle to paddle back into the sea got me thinking about life.

One weekend when my husband and I were walking along a stretch of beach in Cherating we spotted a tiny baby turtle looking rather tired after being swept up to shore by strong waves. Being the monsoon season, the waves were huge and treacherous, and came crashing in repeatedly and loudly.

Little Titus, I decided to call him. No, I didn’t know if it was a boy or girl turtle. Titus just popped into my head. Poor Titus looked rather forlorn, probably thinking how he was going to get back to sea without being spotted by predators.

Seeing each wave carry him further up the beach made me get involved. I asked my husband to lift Titus and place him closest to the shoreline so he could paddle into the sea. My husband hesitated and then lifted Titus and placed him as close as possible to the waters. But the waves were merciless. Once again, they came crashing and little Titus was flung even farther away from his water-home.

We watched little Titus try, try and try again.  Despite not getting very far he knew instinctively to head towards the sea. It was hard seeing him struggle. I wanted to help but had to seriously restrain myself from providing any lifeline.  My husband was sure in his mind that we must let Titus do it himself. Whether Titus made it or not, it must be through his own effort.  His argued that while we can help him get back to sea, how will we keep him safe and alive in the ocean. There are predators, who will prey on little Titus. Then what?

Little Titus did manage, on his own strength and determination, to finally get back into the sea by riding one of the stronger waves.  I was so happy for Titus. I don’t know if he will survive and grow into an adult turtle and have a family of his own. What I know is life has many ebbs and flows, just like the waves.

It got me thinking about parents, babies and young children. We don’t have children, by choice. We both have nieces and nephews, who are all grown up now. We also have three little grand-nieces.

I remember the genuine love and care I had and have for my nieces and nephews, especially when they were tots. Because they were young and vulnerable, I felt it was my responsibility to protect and keep them save. Whenever any of them visited, I was on high alert and constantly vigilant. I felt accountable more so because they were not mine. As much as I enjoyed their company, I was happier when they were home with their respective parents.  The stress got to me every time.

Even now I ask that they text me when they get home, and casually tell them to be careful and be mindful of their surroundings, trying very hard to sound nonchalant, lest I seem like a helicopter aunt. They are, after all, now grown-up young adults.

I felt the very same emotions when my grandniece visited us for the first time a few years ago. She was only a few months old and she was having a difficult time with the heat and different environment. I wanted to help make things better for her but just didn’t know how. I wanted to help my niece so she could in turn make her little one comfortable. An overwhelming sense of helplessness overcame me. It cannot be easy bringing up young ones.

Being in charge of another human being is a mammoth responsibility.  Babies, toddlers, young children rely wholly on their parents to feed, clothe, love, care, nurture, protect, teach and provide for them.  They still need their parents at the various stages of their young lives. I like to believe although I am not certain that with the right balance of love, care, guidance and education, children will grow into happy, healthy intelligent, well-adjusted individuals.

But what is that balance? When do you hold tight? When do you let go? When do you help? When do you let them make mistakes and learn from them? How do you stand back and see them fall down – once, twice, thrice or however many times before you intervene or they get it right on their own? How do you know if you are doing right by your children?

I am not a parent. I don’t know what works and what doesn’t. I didn’t even know how to deal with Titus because if it was left to me I would have jumped into the sea with Titus just so I could return him to his home.

The one thing I am certain of is parenting is not a role any parent should take lightly. Having a child is only the beginning.