My brain, sometimes, stops in the present. Preoccupied with life, and daily routines. It forgets how she was/used to be.

Right up to August 2021, my mum was the queen of her condo/castle. She had a daily schedule. Up every morning at 5.30am. Complained about being late even before she began the day. A constant clock watcher. She walked slowly but confidently without assistance in her condo. Her most travelled route was between the bathroom and the kitchen. She tidied up. Swept the floor every day. Ate her breakfast quickly, standing up. Breakfast was usually bananas of the Pisang Mas variety. After a long-drawn shower, she donned her 5-6 meter long sari and combed her hair into a bun. Worn out from the endeavour, she would nap/sleep in her wing chair while she supposedly prayed. 

I looked in on her mid-to-late morning. Caught her on camera many times, fast asleep. She, however, insisted she prayed with her eyes closed. We both laughed about it. I visited her about 4-5 times every day. I cooked and bought her food, medicines and all her supplies. We chatted. Yes, I visited. I didn’t stay with her. She was self-reliant.

Ten years ago, my mum moved into her own condo after always being/living with family. Growing up, it was with her mum, my grandmother Tulasi, her two younger sisters and a revolving door of visitors, mostly close and not-so-close, in Butterworth. After marriage, my 15-year-old mum moved to Kuala Ketil estate in Kedah, my dad’s home, and workplace. He then joined the police force, which required them and their growing family to reside in various northern towns like Sungai Petani, Baling and Kangar before calling Alor Setar their home until the mid-1980’s. My mum played a pivotal role in bringing up/nurturing her seven children. Caring, feeding, saving, stitching by hand school uniforms etc.  

After my dad passed, my mum, who had not ventured anywhere on her own, flew solo to England to be with sisters’ number 1 and 3. She also spent time with sister number 4 in Australia. Still in her fifties, she gained her wings and independence, flying several times, thereafter, on her own. Back on home turf, she lived with brother number 1 and his family in Subang Jaya. She cooked, cleaned, and cared for nephew number 4 and niece number 3 when they were very little. She thrived every Deepavali, her favourite festival, alongside sister number 3. A meticulous cook, her Indian delicacies especially ‘nai orundu’ and ‘murukku’ were in a class of their own. She also made so many lip-smacking savoury dishes like soya/kicap chicken (although she doesn’t eat poultry), crab curry with chapati and onion curry.

She celebrated her 60^th birthday in England. The design on her cake was that of a sari-clad woman, courtesy of sister number 1. Her 70^th was a memorable birthday party attended by her children, daughters and sons-in-law, and grandchildren at Sri Melaka. Her cake design represented her favourite things like washing up liquids, soaps, jewellery, milk, and prunes. She was sturdy in her 70’s. She continued visiting family overseas and went on local and foreign holidays despite her chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and heart failure.

Over the years, my mum stayed a few days/weeks with my husband and me in Petaling Jaya. As she got older, she came to live with us in our condo in Kuala Lumpur. She had the room with a view of the Twin Towers. She was good company. Baked us scones and flapjacks. But stealthily took over our fridge and most of our cabinet space in the kitchen and pantry. It was while she lived with us that she celebrated her 80^th birthday at Annalakshmi. A grand celebration/reunion with her children, grandchildren, and daughters and sons-in-law in full attendance.

Back to the big condo move. Sister number 4 stayed with and helped my mum get accustomed to her home/condo. Hesitant at first but my mum quickly loved her newfound freedom and massive cupboard and cabinet space. She had/has a whole condo to herself. She watched her TV serials at maximum volume. She tended to her aloe-vera plants on the balcony. She cooked once or twice a week. Dhal, one vegetable and rice. Brother number 1 joined her for lunch when he visited.  He always said he loved her cooking. She and I did weekly lunches and grocery shopping, and walks around the condo block. She was sprightly in her 80’s.

At 90, my mum is much more than her present stage of 24×7 care and support. She is the sum of the different stages of life – childhood, adulthood and old age. Gratefully, she’s a still alert and curious mum, grandmother, and great-grandmother steeped with experiences, wisdom and memories. 

I forget, sometimes. This is my personal reminder. Love you, Botyma.