“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Buddha[1]

Wise people have said and continue to say we should learn to live in the present, not dwell too much on the past or spend a lot of time worrying about the future. I agree, sort of. I do live in the now, physically – at least. My mind, well, it’s got a mind of its own. It gravitates from the present, reverses to the past, and accelerates into the future. And, manages to somehow achieve its own equilibrium.

I do my best to live in the present, lest I lose out on what’s happening around me and in relation to me. It’s not FOMO or fear of missing out. Not at all. It’s about remembering, and being able to make the right decisions or choices, sometimes in difficult situations, that involve the people I care for. It’s also about enjoying experiences and being mentally as well as physically present for the important occasions and moments that cannot be re-lived and cannot be bought.

Some years ago, my husband and I were planning to do a three-month holiday to a few countries in Eastern Europe, Namibia and South Africa. It was a big deal holiday as it meant we had to give up our jobs to travel. Just before we were finalising our travel itinerary, I got an offer to be a partner and own equity in a fairly successful company that I was working for at the time. It was a tempting proposition. Naturally, I mulled and lost sleep over the possible gained or lost opportunities from my decision. But, I chose to travel with my husband and – ‘live the “then” present’ – with him. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made because that shared experience is priceless. Till today, we speak fondly about the holiday. I am not sure how much I missed out in terms of progressing my career but it matters very little to me now compared to the memories that are – my husband’s and mine only –  to keep and revisit.

Birthdays and anniversaries are important milestones as are one-off events like weddings, recitals and prize giving ceremonies of family members and close friends.  We can’t move someone’s birthday a day or a week later just like we can’t shift a scheduled recital from December to the first week of January for whatever reason. To me, remembering to acknowledge that special occasion on that specific date with a WhatsApp message, a card or a present or organising a meal or a party reflects mindfulness or awareness.  When we genuinely love and consciously care, I believe we will remember, and we will express our feelings with kind and thoughtful actions. That said, I am the first to admit, I am more forgetful now. So, these days, reminders on my mobile phone and calendar are par for the course. So, no excuses and no missing out.

If you want the present to be different from the past, study the past. Baruch Spinoza[2]

The past is an interesting place to visit now and again. I have my fair share of good and bad experiences and some cringe-worthy behaviour that I like to forget altogether. My past has proffered a few takeaways that have helped me grow into a nicer and kinder person (I like to think so). I am no longer the usual suspect responsible for any loose wardrobe hinges or wonky bathroom doors in our home that I used to slam in anger. We have installed soft-close doors. Ha! Ha! No seriously. I have learned to calm down and temper my temper because I realised, although it took me a while, that it was unkind and unfair on the recipients – the doors and the target of my frustration at the time. My anger and temper have also led me to not only behave badly but burn bridges back in the day. Older and more reasonable now, I consciously check myself when my fuse gets a little hot. I tell myself that it’s better to be kind than right, it’s not worth it and to let it go (a cue from my grandniece, who loves to sing “Let it go” from the movie Frozen). It works for me, most of the time.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. Unknown[3]  

The unknown is what’s interesting about the future. We have had our past. We are living in the present. We have the opportunity to use our knowledge, talent and experience to shape and build the future that we want for us and our loved ones. Decisions that we make such as signing on to a new job, committing to a relationship or travelling to a new country involves uncertainty and calculated risks.

Many years ago, my husband and I, went to England to live, study and work. It was exciting because I had always wanted to experience the changing seasons and live in England instead of visiting as a tourist. It was daunting as I had never worked outside of Malaysia before. Things didn’t go exactly to plan, and we had to change course and return to KL after a year. We made new plans, faced fresh challenges, achieved many successes along the way, and built a good life together. To be honest, I like certainty and guarantees, whenever possible. But there is something to be said about the unknown, surprises and calculated guesswork that invigorate and make the journey and destination exhilarating and worthwhile. Que sera sera…