I have to say goodbye to sister number 3 on Thursday. She arrived on Deepavali Eve. Changed her return flight from 21 Dec to 11 Jan. Changed it again to 27 Jan. After 2 months and 26 days she flies back to England. Her 90-day MyTravelPass visa expires on 1 Feb.

I am sad now. I will be sadder still on Thursday. I will miss my sister or ‘aka’ very much. She is a truly caring and loving older sister. She is all heart and she has my interest at heart. Not just now but always. Thinking about and worrying about me. My health. My well-being. My life.

Although there is only a nine-year age difference between us, she has and continues to shower me with genuine love and consideration. Sometimes, she treats me like a daughter, a very old one, rather than her youngest sister. Sometimes, I get a little upset but mostly I am fine about it because I know she is a really kind soul. No pretences. No shallowness. And, generous to a fault. Not just when she cooks, feeds and buys gifts, which feels like Christmas came early. She gives her time and full attention. She makes time for me, and she has made valuable time for my mum.

In the ‘chasing time and no time’ world we live in, it is a rare quality. Sister number 3 would turn-off the stove. Food half-way being cooked. Ingredients all over the kitchen top. She would stop and listen. Or stop and attend to my mum.  And, never in a hurry to get back to whatever and whereever she left off. She is relaxed. She has always maintained that people trump things. I am a little less laidback. Hmm…

In addition, these past months, she has been my pillar of strength. Offering constant and unwavering support. Not blind support. Not unquestioning support. She asked me the hard questions. She challenged me. She wanted to know what’s what. She advised me. She was fair. She was impartial. Without her, I may have crumbled. And sadly, would have stood alone, sooner than I thought, like the cheese in the nursery rhyme, ‘The Farmer in the Dell.’

The other beneficiary is my mum. All through her 80 plus days with us, sister number 3’s greatest gift to my mum has been/is her company. She is present and available 24/7. She gives her undivided attention. She nurtures and cares for my mum. As I have written before, my mum now needs almost round-the-clock support and care. She needs help to stand up. Walk to the bathroom. To shower. To get dressed. To give her medicines and food in a timely manner. Sister number 3 provides all of that and then some.

The smells of Indian food continually permeate the air. There is always a variety of offerings every single day.  Dhal, chickpeas, potato, spinach, black-eyed peas, carrot and sweet potato. I didn’t know this. Sister number 3 makes dhal with more than one type of lentil. She combines ‘Tovaram parupu,’ the traditional lentil used to cook dhal or rather the only one I thought belonged in a dhal as my mum taught me, with split peas, chickpeas and/or whatever she has available on the day. No rules apply. The only rule is one that works for you, she confidently tells me. I also learnt that I should fry onions, garlic and ginger in large batches instead of each time I want to cook something. Time saving tip.  Sister number 3 also served up several Indian desserts like ‘keseri’ and ‘payasam’ to my mum’s delight.

She is also my mum’s entertainment partner. They talk about movies to watch. I’ve heard them plan to watch movies around my mum’s rather protracted sleeping hours. In instalments, as sister number 3 calls it. An hour here. A few minutes there. Another hour later. Voila, movie done. They recall dialogue and scenes and have a laugh. Nice. All in all, the two not only watched a whole host of Tamil movies and series but they re-watched those they especially enjoyed. One was ‘Tozha’ and the other was ‘Sundari.’ Yes, ‘Sundari’ after my mum’s interest was piqued once more when the story line saw the heroine become more assertive.  

It’s going to be very difficult for my mum and me when sister number 3 leaves. My mum asked and said several times to me that my ‘aka’ needs to go home as she has been away from her husband ( who’s been very supportive) and home for so long. True. She cannot do more than she already has. And, I cannot thank sister number 3 enough. She has made a huge and happy difference to our lives.

Ma and I love you, and we will miss you, Sinnavan.