Insomnia, my nocturnal state of being. I have difficulty going to sleep, staying asleep and when I do sleep, I wake up too early, feeling tired and looking like a wilted daisy. I go to bed yawning and feeling exhausted (obviously as I haven’t had enough shut-eye the previous nights), but instead of falling asleep, my brain stays awake and thoughts start running amok. Irrelevant, random and nonsensical thoughts pop up into my head and refuse to budge. My brain, the spoiler, switches to overdrive, at the most inappropriate time; sleep time.

Of course, it doesn’t help that the tiniest sounds wake me up (except that one night when my husband was out for drinks with his friend and I absentmindedly latched the front door; he had to bang on the door with his shoe to finally rouse me out of bed). And then, my husband is asleep the minute his head makes contact with his pillow. I don’t begrudge him his sleep. It’s not his fault that he manages to sleep like a baby all through the night while I stay awake, practising sleep inducing techniques recommended by sleep experts.

Deep breathing, inhaling via one nostril and exhaling through the other, gradually relaxing each body part from my toes to my head, sniffing scents like lavender and patchouli, drinking a chocolaty drink before bed and repeating mantras. I have tried them all and to no avail. I do, sometimes, get out of bed and work on something constructive (this is to trick myself into thinking I am using my sleep time productively) or read a novel until I feel sufficiently sleepy to venture back into the bedroom. I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t drink coffee. I eat a fair amount of chocolate but I don’t think there’s enough caffeine in chocolate to prevent me from sleeping. Or is there?

Anyway, our bed is firm and the temperature in the bedroom is relatively cool. We have black-out curtains that keep out most of the light. I clip together the curtains and net curtains to the curtain holdbacks to stop any light that tries to sneak through the corners of the windows. I am so light-averse that I have to block out the red “standby” lights on electronic and electrical products including TVs and air-conditioners. This happens when we are on holiday. The hissing noise from fridges bothers me as well. On several occasions my husband has asked me if his breathing interrupts my sleep and whether he should stop. Not yet, I have assured him.

The upside, if I can call it that, is that I am in good or rather sleepy company. Insomnia affects between 30-45% of the adult population[1]. And, women may be more likely to have insomnia than men because women experience unique hormonal changes during menstrual cycles, pregnancy, perimenopause and menopause that can cause insomnia symptoms[2]. At home, 35 per cent of Malaysians have symptoms of insomnia and about 12% are chronic insomniacs. The average Malaysian gets some six hours of sleep per night[3].

Not getting at least seven hours of sleep each night could cause short term concerns like impaired memory, lack of alertness, relationship stress, lower quality of life and higher risks of car accidents. More serious problems associated with chronic sleep deprivation include high blood pressure, diabetes, heart attack or stroke. Other potential problems are obesity, depression and lower sex drive. And, over time, not getting enough sleep is reflected in our appearance – premature wrinkling and dark under eye circles[4]. Yikes.

Obviously, nothing good comes from not sleeping enough. I should know. For sure, I look tired and feel irritable when I have had very little sleep the night before. My fuse gets a little shorter and things that are not usually a big deal seem like they are. I am not in a good headspace. Luckily for me, I don’t feel anxious or stressed. A little dopey at times but still not sleepy enough to take a nap during the day. Then there are articles that do not recommend naps because they can apparently scupper sleeping at night. So, what to do?

I understand how important sleep is to my overall health and well-being, and I have tried most everything but nothing seems to work. Going forward, the plan is to try less hard and be less bothered if I can’t go to sleep or stay asleep. I figured if I am tired enough, I will sleep eventually, zzzzzz.