Disillusioned yet happy and hopeful
She had me at the opening paragraph. ‘The loss of my mother is like missing a tooth: an absence I can feel at all times, but one I can hide as long I keep my mouth shut. And, so I rarely talk about her.’ Helen Fisher’s Space Hopper resonated with me. The book is about […]
Read More
Today is three months since my mum passed. I miss her. The previous Sunday, my husband and I went to see my mum at her final resting place, with her new headstone. It was erected on the Wednesday before. That was her wish/decision. To be buried. To have the customary final rites performed for her. […]
Read More
I met up with two of my university mates recently. It was my first social meet up since my mum passed. I have consciously avoided speaking, seeing, or spending time with anyone outside my family. The last gathering that involved family members was about nine weeks ago just before sister number 3 left for England. […]
Read More
I’m thinking. I’m questioning. I am consumed with thoughts, and questions. My headspace is full. I can’t sleep or stay asleep for too long. I have stare-into-space-moments. But I still get on and do most of the chores that need doing. I’m alright. I’m more alright than not, which is good. In fact, my husband […]
Read More
My husband asked me if it helps me writing about my mum. Yes and no. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s been over five weeks since she left. Yes, that long already. It feels a lot longer to me. I’m ok and I’m not. I’m in a state of flux. I go about doing the daily stuff. […]
Read More
My heart continues to hurt. I miss my mum. I can’t see her. I can’t speak or share with her the things that are going on in my life. Not in person. I knew/know she couldn’t have held on much longer. She was getting more breathless and weaker by the day. It was a struggle. […]
Read More
I asked my mum to wait for me. I touched her feet, something I rarely do, and said goodbye. I stepped out of the front door, and waved at her. She smiled, waved, and looked directly at me. She doesn’t do that when her Tamil serials are on. Her focus is usually the telly, and […]
Read More
I get it. Old is not cool. I was young once myself. I’m guilty of not giving much thought about older people. I didn’t know what they liked or needed. I can’t remember spending time with them. I didn’t have friends, who were older than me. Old people in my life were my parents, my […]
Read More
My mum will be 91 this year. Every so often, she tells me she wants to go to her Tata or grandfather’s house. It’s a story she has created in her head. Part imagination and part memories. My mum’s Tata story has grown manifold since she first started talking about it when she became unwell […]
Read More
I’ve lost my jolly, and I want it back. I know the reasons for my general melancholy. It started with Covid and the restricted movement controls in 2020. Holidays became scarce. The rigmarole involved in organising any form of travel was a deterrent, as was the infectious disease itself. I remember the arduous loops my […]
Read More
You must be logged in to post a comment.