Disillusioned yet happy and hopeful
Tomorrow is six months since my mum passed. I’m not keeping count of the days or months, but the 19th is difficult to forget. It’s etched in my heart and head, as is my mum. I see my mum every day, everywhere. I have a photo wall, photos on my side table and more photos […]
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England has always been and still is a special place/destination for me. Weirdly, when I was growing up in Alor Setar, I used to either dream or imagine about sycamore trees in England. Yes, weird. Why? Because I didn’t know what a sycamore tree was or looked like. And, I didn’t know what England was […]
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My mum would have been 91 this Friday. It’s not wishful thinking. It’s not a lament. It’s just … I miss her. I’m so grateful to have had my mum for as long as I did. 90 years and 8 months is pretty good innings, by any measure. I can’t ask for more, and honestly, […]
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Today is three months since my mum passed. I miss her. The previous Sunday, my husband and I went to see my mum at her final resting place, with her new headstone. It was erected on the Wednesday before. That was her wish/decision. To be buried. To have the customary final rites performed for her. […]
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I met up with two of my university mates recently. It was my first social meet up since my mum passed. I have consciously avoided speaking, seeing, or spending time with anyone outside my family. The last gathering that involved family members was about nine weeks ago just before sister number 3 left for England. […]
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I’m thinking. I’m questioning. I am consumed with thoughts, and questions. My headspace is full. I can’t sleep or stay asleep for too long. I have stare-into-space-moments. But I still get on and do most of the chores that need doing. I’m alright. I’m more alright than not, which is good. In fact, my husband […]
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Last week my husband and I went on a road trip, of sorts. We didn’t spend too much time planning it. Our destination was the Belum Rainforest in Gerik, Perak. We wanted a stopover. Somewhere half way between Kuala Lumpur and Gerik. Ipoh, the capital of Perak, was the obvious choice as it was close […]
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The plan was to post this story on 20th May. It didn’t happen. I trashed it. Last week, I retrieved it from the ‘bin.’ Mongolia was the holiday my husband and I were looking forward to since March this year. We researched and identified tour companies, flights, and hotels. We finalised our bookings when sister […]
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I wasn’t sure when my husband first asked me if writing about my mum helped/helps me. I am a little surer now. It does. I’m constantly thinking and remembering things about my mum. Putting my all-consuming thoughts, feelings and memories in writing gives them structure and a home/blog that I can visit and revisit, when […]
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My husband asked me if it helps me writing about my mum. Yes and no. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s been over five weeks since she left. Yes, that long already. It feels a lot longer to me. I’m ok and I’m not. I’m in a state of flux. I go about doing the daily stuff. […]
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