I made a plan. To eat more. To sleep more. To care less.

Eat more. I thought that’s what I’ve been doing all these years. Eating more or at least eating enough for my wants/needs. Not according to my husband. He has always maintained I eat too little. And, what I eat does not constitute real food. Not untrue. 

I like desserts. A little too much. I can eat all things sweet anytime of the day. Niece number 3 described me as having evolved. Hmm. Apparently, my body has evolved to accept high sugar levels without crashing or feeling sick. She said this after the two dessert stops, we did as part of my pre-birthday celebration. The first was at Harriston Chocolatier Cafe. We sampled six yummy artisan chocolates. We also had a classic milk hot chocolate and a classic chocolate bomb. My chocolate bomb was supposed to break apart as I drenched it with hot milk but it didn’t quite happen. I gave it a tap to help it along. The milk chocolate bits and marshmallow were heavenly.

Our second stop was at Dip n Dip. We had an Alaskan Waffle and a Nutella Brownie.  As I was licking the last bits of brownie off the skillet, I noticed that she hadn’t/couldn’t finish her waffle. I, on the other hand, was comfortably full. I don’t know if its evolution but I do know I’ve an inherent capacity for desserts. A benefit, I plan to enjoy as long as I can. You never know when and what you can or cannot eat or drink especially as you get older and have diet restrictions or die. So, while I can, I will.

Back to eating more. I’ve already upped the amount of food I eat for dinner. One protein of fish/chicken/tofu. One vegetable. Usually mix vegetables. One carbohydrate. Either rice or noodles. All savoury food. It seems to be working alright, thus far. 

Sleep more. I was born an insomniac. While sleeping is outside my control, I discovered that not always but more often, a balanced savoury meal seems to at least not prevent me from going to sleep or keep waking me up from my sleep. I’m not sure if it’s the savoury food itself or the quantity I consume that tires me into slumber. No matter which.

As an aside, Monday is our designated dessert night. Why Monday? I’m vegetarian one day per week. Sometimes finding a restaurant that serves vegetarian meals can be a little tricky. It was my suggestion/solution. Yes, lame. But, only partly. Last Monday, I decided to skip dessert night as I already had lots of cake for my birthday. I kid you not. We walked in a freak thunderstorm to Havelly’s to have Kashmiri naan and Kadai Paneer. It was closed. Next option, Stadium Negara for vegetarian noodles. That was closed too. The universe obviously didn’t want us to change dessert night. That said, I must admit too much or just sweet stuff for dinner isn’t sleep friendly. Not even for ‘evolved’ me. I don’t get high. I don’t crash. I also don’t sleep. 

Care less. This is difficult but I’m trying. I constantly think of things that need doing. I also worry. A little too much. About my mum, brother number 1, brother-in-law number 1, and family members as and when problems and health issues arise. The pall of worry is ever present. More controllable during the day with things to do. Much harder at night to shut them out when I go to bed or the minute I’m up during the night. Which, unfortunately for me, is several times.  One thought leads to another, and another. Like a rambling, disjointed soap opera. My disruptive sleep is further disrupted. I ‘wake up’ tired. I feel tired. I look less young. And that’s how my mornings/days have been/are.

Why the plan? Why now? Two weeks ago, my husband and I had our passport photos taken for an official submission. No eyewear, and no smiling or showing teeth. Yes, that’s the rule. Anyways, the photo sans glasses and teeth made me look very small, tired and old. I felt sad. I honestly couldn’t recognise the face in the photograph. Yes, I’m smaller than most but I didn’t quite realise how much smaller until that moment.

I didn’t/don’t like small. I decided I needed to grow my face. For that to happen I have to grow my body. How? Eat more, not just desserts, but real food. Real food that might help bulk up my body, and hopefully, my face, too. Real food might also help me sleep more. Which might reduce or cancel waking and thinking troubling thoughts at night. Which then might help me feel brighter/healthier and look better. Slowly but surely, I hope.

Well… that’s the plan.