It was only last week that I had written about trying to be mindful.  Sadly, I failed. I forgot to focus and be in the present. Instead, I got myself into a tizzy. And, mistakenly posted ‘Compos Mentis,’ a draft post that still needed editing. It was a work-in-progress meant for this Monday.

Why? A few things. My husband said he hadn’t received my post/story. The stories usually arrive at his email like clockwork. Not last week. And, he usually doesn’t read them on the day. Sometimes, it could be weeks before he gives me his feedback. Especially when he’s occupied with work. He says he likes to give each story the due attention it deserves. Nice. I guess he wasn’t busy last Monday.

The missing email bothered me a little. Because when I posted ‘Trying to be mindful’ I was sure the scheduling on my blogsite worked. Meaning, it was confirmed for a specific time on 30 January. And, then it sort of didn’t because the post was listed as a ‘Draft’ under ‘All Posts.’ Admittedly, I was a little concerned but didn’t think too much about it because the scheduling was completed. I shut down my computer. Job done.

And, proceeded to cook oats for my mum’s lunch, and get on with trying to make an online payment to the Inland Revenue. Over two days, I had problems with my bank transfer. I called my bank to check on the problem. The line was busy even before I could finish dialling the number. I tried the Inland Revenue. The line was busy as well. I was at that point when all I wanted was to make the payment and tick it off my to-do list. It gnawed at me.

Same Monday, my mum developed a cough and her sputum turned into yellowish phlegm around mid-afternoon. According to her, having a hair wash, triggers cold-like symptoms. Anecdotally, she is right. My mum has a weekly hair wash on Monday, which is her vegetarian day, although she is vegetarian 24×7.  I have seen this happen before. Despite almost half expecting sniffles, cough and phlegm to accompany her hair washes, I was worried. I didn’t want to resort to antibiotics as she was prescribed them two weeks ago.

Back to the email. Still nothing on Monday night. I began to wonder if it was related to my subscription renewal. I had just paid for my blog site hosting, domain name and all that. I thought maybe that was it, although I didn’t think so.

To be fair, my husband did ask me to check with nephew number 2 and sister number 3 if they had received the email. I didn’t do it. Why? Because I, that’s right, I, felt/feel rather presumptuous to assume that people would have noticed the email post, and read what I had written. I also felt embarrassed to ask. Make what you want of that but that’s how I felt, and still do.

As an aside, I write one story and publish it (not two) each week, so that I’ve something to do. A purpose. A goal. So far, I’ve managed to meet my weekly target. There have been times I haven’t felt motivated enough to write. Certain events and distractions. Trying to think of topics is also not always easy.  It gets harder when there are not many happy or interesting happenings, except the same old, same old. I don’t want to end up writing about the same old, same old but I have done and continue to do. Hence, I appreciate that a few people, I can count them with my fingers and toes, read what I’ve to say. Maybe they don’t but have forgotten to unsubscribe. Hmm.

Back to the not received email post, and activities that were surrounding me. By Tuesday morning, I convinced myself my story was not published and was still sitting under ‘Draft.’ When I saw ‘Compos mentis’ and ‘Draft,’ I pressed ‘Publish.’ I knew it will go live but my cluttered brain didn’t and couldn’t differentiate, and didn’t realise it was not the intended post. I never press ‘Publish.’ I always follow a process before I get to ‘Publish.’ All that went out the window that morning. Of course, I realised what I had done. Big sigh.

Belatedly, I remembered that I forgot to be mindful. To be aware. To be present. To focus on one thing at a time. To slow down. To be deliberate and give thoughtful attention to daily actions so as not to feel overwhelmed. Failed on all counts.

I was disappointed. What to do? I consoled myself that it was a glitch. A hiccup that I should use to help remind myself to be more mindful. To accept the drizzles and rain in life. And, move on more mindfully. I hope.