My mum turns 89 tomorrow. A milestone, and an achievement. Especially considering the tough year the old girl has had. Gratefully, through most of it, she has managed to remain curious, chatty, and alert. Yay.

I like birthdays. Cake or cakes, presents, balloons, decorations. Fuss and focus on number 1. What’s there not to like? One special day in amongst 365 days in a year. Too short, too brief. Which is why I have a birthday month in March. And, why not? I like my birthday and birthday month.

My mum, on the other hand, is very matter-of-fact about her’s. She is not uninterested but she is not interested either. Luckily, my mum has me as I am interested and excited for both of us. I enjoy the thinking, the planning, the buying and the surprising. Undeniably, it has become increasingly less easy to buy presents for my mum as she gets older. That said, I did amass 80 gifts for her 80^th birthday. And last year, when the situation was dire, I managed simple, functional daily offerings in the week leading up to her birthday.

This year, more effort was required. Why? Because my mum is no longer interested in washing up liquids/detergents. No more stocking up on Good Maid. She’s not keen on kitchen towels or bathroom/hand tissues. No more filling up her cupboards with Royal Gold and Kleenex Ultra Soft. I know its unimaginable to consider these household items as birthday presents but they have consistently given my mum years of joy and pleasure. I kid you not. She used to hug detergent bottles closely to her chest and call them her ‘babies.’ Wide smile and glee on her face. And, for her 70^th birthday, sister number 2 and brother-in-law lugged 7 bottles of washing up liquid from Australia to KL.

August 2021, my mum’s attention, and interests shifted and waned. When she became seriously unwell. When she needed 24×7 care. When she could no longer be involved in the day-to-day running of her condominium. When she relinquished all responsibilities. Hard to believe but my mum has not been in her kitchen all year. Her favourite go-to place other than the altar and bathroom. Now, her assisted walking route is from her sofa in the lounge to her bedroom, bathroom and back. That said, she is still curious. She does asks, from time to time, if her treasured things are well stocked. On those occasions, I slide open the cupboard door and present the neatly stacked products to her. I think my mum is comforted by seeing her ‘babies.’ Hmm…

Sarees make for pretty presents. But she has no energy/desire to drape them. Her current wardrobe comprises sarongs. She dons them with a T-shirt but mostly like a ‘pareo’ or wraparound sarong.  Altered, pleated, and elasticised, the sarongs fit snugly on her chest and cover her tiny little body. The bespoke version was the handiwork of brother number 1. Sometime last year, he hand-stitched 8 sarongs for my mum. She wears them daily.

Sarongs, yes! Seven – three for her birthday and four for Deepavali. Buying the sarongs was the easy part, even though my husband and I had to visit Brickfields. Customizing them was more complicated than anticipated. I checked with three tailors. The first one wanted RM180 to alter one sarong, and one week to do so. The second seamstress’s asking price was RM80 per sarong. The third was just not interested. I wasn’t being stingy. The sarongs cost between RM15- RM19 ringgit each. I couldn’t wrap my head around how exorbitant it was.

What to do? I gave it a go. It took me awhile but I cobbled together what could pass off as a ‘pareo’ to the untrained eye. In the interim, I asked my cleaner if she could help find me a reasonably priced tailor. Voila. A week later, she returned with a machine sewn version of the sample sarong provided. Yay. And, for RM20. Double Yay. I immediately discharged the balance 5 sarongs to her.  

Treats week for my mum. She has been/is enjoying small portions of desserts/’kuehs,’ without compromising her daily meals and roughage intake. Offerings included ‘kochi santan’ for tea last Tuesday, ‘kuih lapis’ for tea and ‘rotiboy’ plus oatmeal/fruit for dinner on Wednesday, ‘bingka ubi’ for tea and ‘Ovaltine-donut’ plus fruit for dinner on Thursday, ‘seri muka’ for tea and ‘charsiew pau’ plus oatmeal/fruit for dinner on Friday. And, ‘keseri,’ courtesy of moi for tea today. And, over the weekend, I also baked a carrot cake for the birthday girl.

Presents are ready. A t-shirt to match the ‘pareo’ that I modified. A duck mug. Pink plastic cups and water scoops for her mouth rinses. Fruits. Decorations. A balloon bunch that will arrive tomorrow morning. I’m all set for my mum’s birthday. Yay.