What do you do? The question threw me.

A fellow condo-resident asked me that while we were in the lift. And, I babbled ‘this and that.’ What? Seriously. Not quick on my feet or wit. Body and brain inertia. Big sigh.

What do I do? The question made me ponder. Why couldn’t I articulate what I do/am doing now? I thought for sure if she had asked me before May 19, 2024, without hesitation, I would have said, ‘I care for my mum.’ Caring and being present for my mum pretty much encompassed my life for the past few years, at least, after she became totally reliant in late 2021.

What made me think that?

Could it be because there was structure to my day? The hours in my days and nights were defined. It was almost full-time, 24×7 with support from Kalyani, and brother number 2, on the weekends. Could it also be because I had responsibilities, and I had purpose? I love my mum. I wanted to help her stay as healthy and happy as possible, and for as long as possible. And, keep her entertained via her Astro Indian Channels 201 and 203. I cannot but be grateful for that privilege. I digress.

Did I think being my mum’s carer was a no explanation required occupation, like a job? Most jobs, anyway. While I didn’t consider caring for my mum as a job, I suppose it was an occupation of sorts. Caring occupied my time. Carer is a recognised occupation/designation. Albeit, unpaid, unlike Kalyani, who was.  

What I know for sure is it would have been a far easier question to answer when I was working. When I had a ‘proper’ job. Which I did, for most of my life. I was in marketing/advertising, journalism, and public relations. I worked onsite and offsite, with a regular income. I commuted daily – by bus and by car – when I first started out. My business partner and I had a serviced office in PJ when we began our own public relations company. After she left to get married, I continued my consultancy. Sounds fancy but it was mainly drafting press releases, Q & A’s and providing media counsel for companies, from my home office. The work arrangement suited particularly after my mum moved in with my husband and me, and then into her own condo. It was only when she became less independent, and I had my own health issues that I stopped taking on fee earning work.

So, what was the question again? What do I do? Well, does what I do now need to include structure, responsibilities, purpose, and/or a regular income with a designation/title? Am still processing…

There’s structure to my day and life, although it’s less regimented now. I have things to do every day. I have a to-do list, a carry over from my working days, that I tick off as I complete each task. I have my own self-imposed deadlines. Yes, not work/client deadlines like a story or press release submission that must be met. My goalpost, sometimes, moves a little, which actually is quite nice.

In a day and/or over a week, I might do a whole range of personal stuff like think, yes, think. It’s time consuming… thinking. Read, research, play Scrabble, unscramble anagrams (not very quickly or successfully), write my blog. Also, learn things that interest me, exercise to help my bones feel more pliant and less painful, watch feel-good rom-coms over lunch etc. Repeat.

At other times, I keep on top of monthly payments, council taxes, insurance, deal with condo issues and tradespeople, buy household items, tidy up, identify and organise social stuff/holidays etc. Some are must-dos. Some I don’t mind, and some I quite enjoy. On the whole, they are domestic stuff that I get on with. Repeat.

Is there a purpose to all of these? Hmm. I’m not sure. I do the same things, repeat, with minor variations, and then repeat. Days meld into weeks, months. It seems like pointless routine. As I was belabouring the purpose, the point of life, and digressing from the question in question, I almost relented and considered ‘retired.’ Puzzlingly, I’ve come to terms with being old/elderly but not ‘retired.’ For me, that dreaded word conjures up images of sad, old horses put out to pasture or worse sent to the glue factory.

So back to the elusive ‘what do you do?’ Not a paid job. Not commute daily. Not deal with clients. Done that already. Now, I choose to read, write, learn, and do whatever needs doing, when I want to or maybe later. The thing is I still don’t know how to surmise ‘what I do’ in a word or phrase without inviting a blank look or sounding pompous. So much for my writing prowess.😊