My now friend and ex-client said a decision she made when she was young continues to be her biggest regret. She was not present for her dad, who suffered a stroke and subsequently died. She still feels he may have lived a little longer if he had better care and attention but she was just not available. According to her, her life was busy at that time. She was young, a little self-centred and wanted to experience life – travel and work.  All that changed 180% when her mum became ill recently. She gave up a very senior role, which she worked diligently for, to become the carer.  In a more secure financial position and having ticked-off most of her to-do list, she wasn’t going to make another wrong decision.

I am my mum’s primary carer now. It got me thinking. What was my younger self like?  Would I have taken on the responsibility to care for my mum when I was younger, in my 20’s or 30’s? Did I love my mum and care for her like I do now?  I think I did. I am not sure. Did I love and care about my siblings like I do now? I think I did. I am not sure. Or was I also young, busy and self-centred?

My dad passed away the year I finished university.  My top priority was to get myself a job. I sent out so many applications via post (online applications weren’t an option then) in the hope of securing work. I remember the younger me as being quite focussed and determined.  I worked in Alor Star, my home town, for about six months and then found a job in KL. Moving to a big city was simultaneously intimidating and adventurous. I made some good friends at work. I was up for a laugh and ready to try new things. I laughed easily, belly aching sometimes, at the very funny and even the remotely funny. I felt lighter in myself, not weight wise, but freer, less inhibited and a bit more gung-ho about life.

That said, I also remember the various times and phases when I felt less than confident with the work I produced, was uncertain about friendships and relationships and worked two jobs at one point, for the money and experience. Usual questions about career prospects, money and where I was headed played in my head.

But the thing I remember most was that so many things seemed to be happening around and with me, ‘busy’ as my friend described her life. I was young and full of energy. I did various jobs that were interesting and challenging enough. I liked going to clubs (discos as they were called in those days) and was eager to explore new social venues.  I loved holidays and wanted to travel whenever I could afford it. I had friends, who were similarly young with no family of their own to care for or worry about. We were like-minded. Having fun and enjoying life was very much part of the plan as was building a career.

Strangely, I cannot say for sure that I remember everything about the younger me or my life, as it actually was. I say this only because, sometimes, we retain the happier memories, delete the not so-pleasant and forget the mundane when we look back at our lives, rose-tinted glasses and all.  Out of curiosity, I asked my mum what she thought of me or how she remembered my younger self. She summarised my lifestyle as being about work and play; I went to work; did a fair bit of sports and went out with friends during the weekends. She and I did have chats, I was involved and helped around the house and did the things she wanted, but I wasn’t around much (busy me). Hmmm… This revelation knocked me down a peg or two.

I also got off my high horse, just a little, about the perception I have of young people now. To be honest, they ‘appear’ to be less aware about anybody other than themselves and their friends. They ‘appear’ to think and care somewhat less about their parents (Is it because their parents are relatively young, working and independent and, in certain cases, still supporting their adult children?). And, much less about other older people – too busy and can’t relate to old fogies. The current selfie and face-in-mobile culture does not help mitigate but only serves to further perpetuate the ‘I, me and myself’ self-obsessive view I have of them. So are they or are they not busy and self-absorbed?

What can I say about myself? Well… I was young once too.